QUIZ CHEAT

Team name:  Dames of Thrones

Woeful ignorance is shown

The simplest questions met with groans

Knowledge poor, thinking slow

But I don’t care coz they don’t know

That I’m a quiz cheat.

Guessing, guessing, I guess we’re losing,

In for yet another bruising,

Where’s my phone?  Let’s get cruising,

Dirty tricks and score abusing,

Score, right now, is mediocre,

Double bubble - play the joker,

Fists clenched, face poker -

Like a quiz cheat.

Max score on every question –

‘To look at them you’d never guess!’ and

We will win, it’s my obsession,

Play it cool, a blank expression...

A clatter as I drop the phone!

A shriek of horror, my cover’s blown

Icy glares – I’m on my own,

Traitor teammates  (I should have known!)

My phone is shown, I’m in the frame

For heading up the team of shame,

I’m rounded up and squarely blamed,

And banned from entering again.

The game is up, The Dames are rumbled,

Quizzing double-crossing bungled,

‘Deny, deny, deny,’ I mumble

As down the leaderboard we tumble,

Eyebrows rise, our score is doubted,

Horns are locked, inquiry mounted,

Phones recalled and points recounted,

The Dames are quizzed and I am outed,

‘The quiz is void as rules were flouted,

We’ve found our cheat!’ the landlord shouted.

Dames’ scoresheet held aloft,

Shifty eyes, awkward coughs,

Dames of Thrones - struck off,,

Boo! Hiss! Sneer, Scoff,

Search history - quick delete,

But concrete proof of quiz deceit

Is found upon our quiz team sheet,

‘Cheat! Cheat!’ on repeat,,

Ejected from my pub quiz seat

I’m out the door and in the street,

Humiliation now complete,

Next time I’ll be more discreet -

I’m a dirty, stinking, rotten, lowlife, dedicated

Quiz Cheat.

© Sarah Ogilvie