An Entirely Understandable Mistake

The incident occurred in the 1980s,

Then - little heed paid to health and safety,

A misreading of a sign (I admit I was hasty),

And an entirely understandable mistake.

A venue down an alleyway, scruffy and small,

Formerly an army building as many would recall,

A rather makeshift set-up, all-in-all,

So an entirely understandable mistake.

The atmosphere there:  ‘Anything goes!’

Alternative music and comedy shows,

I’m getting my excuses in early, I suppose,

For my entirely understandable mistake.

The show was a hit – on that we all agree,

A whippet with a man clad in PVC,

Now it’s interval time:  drinks and a wee -

And an entirely understandable mistake.

So hurry, hurry, hurry let’s beat the queue,

‘Excuse me please, thank you, thank you!’

With the arrow for the toilets now in full view,

I made an entirely understandable mistake. 

The arrow pointed up and was next to a ladder,

A ladder to the toilet?  I guess it doesn’t matter!

So a quick climb up to relieve my bladder,

An entirely understandable mistake.

Of course the upward arrow meant continue straight ahead,

But with no further thought, I clambered up instead,

You’ll understand why I felt misled,

An entirely understandable mistake.

The arrow to the toilet was adjacent to the steps,

It seemed a little odd but I went up nonetheless,

My friends - completely baffled, bewildered and perplexed

At my entirely understandable mistake.

So up I scrambled, seeing nothing amiss,

All in the interests of taking a piss,

Now I’ve explained, you’ll comprehend this

Entirely understandable mistake.

As I popped my head through the open hatch door,

Lighting equipment was what I first saw,

Plus a bearded technician crawling on the floor,

Had I made an understandable mistake?

Beginning to feel just a little ill at ease,

Hands somewhat sweaty, slightly weak at the knees,

I still asked the man ‘Where’s the toilet please?’

An entirely understandable mistake.

From my friends down below came muffled guffaws,

And the sweat trickled down just a little bit more,

As I stammered an excuse and began to withdraw

From my entirely understandable mistake.

The man in the roof:  politely bemused,

My friends down below:  now blatantly amused,

Me myself:  now painfully confused

At my entirely understandable mistake.

So there I stood on the ladder of shame,

And to waves of raucous laughter down I came,

‘Up’ and ‘along’ can sometimes look the same!

So I’m sure you understand my mistake.

For almost 40 years the story’s gone around,

Of my trip to the toilets at a theatre in the town,

I went up, and I’ll never live it down.

It was an entirely logical, reasonable, forgivable,

simple, understandable, ludicrous mistake.

© Sarah Ogilvie 2025